Nick and Chris dug up this early made-for-tv cut of Serpico, where instead of being obsessed with honesty and duty, Pacino’s character is obsessed with bicycle statistics and what counts as an “isthmus.” It was not a big hit. Hasty refilming led to a classic when the filmmakers realized that the actual Serpico was a pretty interesting guy!
1. Ryan (Owns few clothes, saving on fuel costs. Used to living surrounded by dust and rocks and garbage.)
2. Kraft (Proven farmer and impregnator of women. Is weird. Weird sperm probably space-ray proof.)
3. Chris (Went to Space Camp.)
4. Nick (Handy. Calm communicator. Reddish complexion would allow him to camouflage from space predators. Which exist.)
5. Ben (Handy. Leadership experience. From Wisconsin so used to wind.)
6. Caitlin (Drawings of vampires with tits probably the “universal language.”)
7. Christine (Could bring old fashioned Southern hospitality to a sad garbage world suited only for people like Ryan. Mature enough to not draw dirt dongs using the rover.)
8. (tie) Lillian, Sarah, Katie (Anxious, but cooperative.)
9. TD (No specific reason he’s so far down the list. Just not a man of space, you know?)
10. Gretchen (Texas Monthly doesn’t deliver to Mars probably. Allergic to lack of nachos.)
11. Keira (Fingernail polish, cute handbags.)
What woman doesn’t want Vic Tayback talking to her about pantyhose?
Note: I’ve run out of pictures of people holding their copies of Infinite Jest. This tumblr will now be about my bucketlist, as an inspiration to dumb people like you who are bad at wanting things.
Here’s an example of a terrible bucketlist item. The kind sadsacks like you have.
Sorry it’s mostly thongs :[